Trump’s Three Ghosts
A little sage advice, for the once and future king… (Humor)
Donald Trump is in bed, in the White House. He’s downing his third Mickey D’s Big Mac.
He’s upset.
His coronation, er, inaugeration, was sparsely attended. He moved it indoors, sticking it to the people who paid thousands to see their cult leader, er, candidate(?) drive by.
Suddenly, the ghost of George Washington steps out of the wall, by the fireplace, and walks slowly through the room.
Trump spits out a bit of burger.
“O-M-George Washington! Father of My Country! Um.. President Washington? Prez. Georgie baby!”
Washington stops his walk, turns, and looks down at Trump, in disgust.
“What can I do to make my people love me more?”
Washington scowls, and keeps walking into the next wall. Trump flies into a rage. He throws the bottle of ketchup after him.
“You think you’re bigger than me, wishy-washy Washington! I’m going to be BIGGER than YOU! You hear me!?! You walked away from this gig.
“What a chump!”
The second night, after a long day of deporting, Trump is still disturbed by the ghost, of the night before.
“I’ll show him. I’ll show ‘em all. Trump is KING OF THE WORLD!”
Thomas Jefferson walks through the very same wall, taking his eternal stroll.
“You’re not Washington. Who the hell are you?!”
Jefferson shakes his head, sadly, and disappears into the opposite wall.
Trump googles Presidents of the United States. After google corrects the misspelling, he finds out that was Thomas Jefferson.
“Thomas Jefferson? I never cared too much for his politics. Marxist radical, that’s what he was. I’m going to get him stripped out of the history books! Yeah!”
So he texted Linda McMahon, the new Secretary of Education: “Before you dismantle the Department of Education, get Thomas Jefferson removed from EVERY textbook. Including the ones that are already published! And tell them to take out Washington too!”
The next day, after brokering a deal, to build Trump apartment towers, all over Gaza, with the Army Corps of Engineers doing it, on the government’s dime, Trump tried to get to sleep, but he was still fuming over Jefferson’s snub.
Halfway into his night bucket, of KFC wings, Abraham Lincoln stepped out of the wall, right through Trace Gallagher’s Fox News segment. “Trump’s Triumph in Gaza.”
“What now?!” Trump grumbled.
Lincoln walked to the center of the room, stopped, and looked Trump directly in the eyes.
“I know you! I don’t even have to Google it. You’re Ave Lincoln! The guy to beat for best in the Republican Party! You freed the slaves, because you’re a Jew, but I still forgive you for that one. Tell me, what can I do to be the best Emperor that America’s ever seen?”
Lincoln wryly smiled.
“Why don’t you take in a play, Donald?”
I could actually see this skit as a play!! I know way, WAY too much re: Theatre, so I can definitely see this.
There are loads of actors, actresses, singers, writers, ballet dancers,etc from my hometown or my state.
2 of whom are now in the stratosphere of being an E.G.O.T!
Emmy, Golden Globe, Oscar, & Tony winners!
I was lucky enough to either/both onstage, backstage help, set construction or lighting.
I still absolutely LOVE Theatre, but once things just ever living bugs the crap outta me - using mics onstage!
We were ALWAYS instructed to project our voices all the to the back fire doors & even beyond (if we could). I've seen Broadway performances being done without mics. It's just a pet peeve!
Also, many thanks for the link to your SubStack here!!